How I am feeling now.

We went on a road trip for a week. We had a great time. But, I have started to notice a few pains and the occasional mild difficulty breathing. Since, we have been back I have noticed a pain in a spot on my back which gives me a throbbing pain. I wish I had a window to see what was going on in that pleura cavity!! A little pain can keep you humble!! I hoped I could keep the status quo of how well I was feeling a few weeks ago. I get a little upset when I can't do things I want to even if it is just lifting something or achieving that hike I wanted to take. I am going to see the surgeon this week so I will ask him if some of these symptoms are from the surgery. A little pain also makes it harder to stay positive.

My visit to the oncologist

Yesterday, Tuesday 5th November I had my first consultation with my onclogist. This was to be followed by my first chemo treatment session.

I have been feeling really well and I did feel what a shame to put these chemicals into my body and that will be me sick!!

Whe I told the oncologist how well I was feeling and he proceeded to tell us that the chemo treatment will work just as well if we wait till they know the disease is more on the move or I am having pain or other symptoms. This was such welcome news and we felt it would be better to wait. This will give us the opportunity to see following CT scans in 2 months whether it is getting worse or if I can put into place a regime that will help my own immune system to help keep it at bay. A much better option!!

I have no doubt that all the the positive attention I have been receiving in the form of visitors, gifts, flowers, well wishes, prayers, fasting and expressions of love and affirmation have helped me to stay positive and kept my spirits really high.

I have also been taking CQ10, Digistive green supplement, Zinc, multivitamins and trying to eat healthly. I have been exercising and will probably go back to Cruves next week.

I have been reading other books on what I can do to give my body a chance to fight this disease. My daughter ordered a book by an Australian who has survived more than ten years with mesothelioma here is Australia without any chemo etc.

I truly was on cloud nine following this visit - I felt like I had a small repreive. I was also thrilled because I can enjoy many activities with my grandchildren in the next two months including birthdays and also not have to worry about Christmas and being sick. Hurray, Hurray. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for this blessing. I have faith that the prayers of so many have been heard at this time.

I go to the hopsital for my first lot of chemotherapy tomorrow. I am not sure what to expect even though I have Alimta and cispaltin and checked out the side effects and other things I could find about the success of these drugs in fighting meothelioma. I have enjoyed my time, cathing up with friends, trying to eat healthy - a few dinners out have been a bit of a challenge with this - but I haven't done too badly. We had some new photos taken - it has been years and I wanted to have some photos taken while I know I look healthy!! They look good.

I am feeling good - I should be with all those supplements I have been taking. I had to start taking the steriod drug today, ready for the treatment tomorrow. I have to take it for 3 days in all - the day before, the day of and the day after the chemotherapy treatment.

Too much information!!

Wednesday 28th October 2009
I was looking on the internet yesterday about others experience with this illness. I found it not very comforting, especially the short time from diagnosis to death with some. There was the odd one here and there that survived a number of years. I have decided I probably won't do this again. My own journey filled with hope is what I want to focus on. I went up to Mutual last night and had a geat time with the Young Women in their sports night. There were plenty of laughs and of course a birthday cake from Rhys for Amber - these girls are all so special.

I feel very loved

Since my illness started I have been the object of so many kind thoughts and wishes. At one stage it nearly felt like it must be my birthday all over again! I have received flowers, cards with personal notes, presents, phone calls and many, many visitors bearing love and well wishes. I have been the object of prayer and fasting for my wellbeing. This has filled my heart to overflowing. It is so empowering to know how much you are loved and appreciated.

What now

How will I make the best use of my time - what do I want to do while I am well???

The most important thing I want to do is to spend as much time with my family and loved ones and let them know how much I care for them.

I want to attend the temple more often and do all I can to feel the Holy Ghost and the closeness to the Saviour and our Father in Heaven. I know I will need the strength that only they can give in times ahead.

Then, there are those other mundane things - sort my stuff. Clean the kitchen cupboards - way down on the list!!

My 58 years have been full and enriching. I was raised by great parents and have terrific siblings. I married well and we have enjoyed all the great joys of family life. We have amazing children and grandchildren who are the joy of our lives. So much to be grateful for.

For nearly the last 2 years I have been a workplace trainer in finance. I have loved this. I have enjoyed the rapore I have been able to build with my students - so it was 'hard'yesterday to give most of my student files back to the RTO so that I can spend my energies on more important things.


I think I would like to make a daily gratitude journal - hopefully a photographic one. Maybe on another blog.

I want to be able to focus on the positives and leave a legacy that will endure into the eternities.

One week on

Tuesday 27th November
It is one week today since the doctor came to my hospital room to tell me that the biopsy tests results showed I have mesothelioma. He patted me warmly on the hand and said he was sorry but they would know more the next day when all the results were back and would be able to tell me about my treatment.

In the past week I have learnt to say a word I had never really heard of and have come to understand a "little"about this disease caused by asbestos.

It still feels very unreal. I am feeling well and feel like a bit of a fraud to tell loved ones and friends I have a terminal illness!!

Just over a month ago I started to get breathless when I walked up a hill on my general walking path. Over the next few weeks I noticed my incidents of breathlessness increasing. We took our grandchildren camping and while on the camp I was really labouring to walk and exert myself. By the weekend following the camp I had difficulty walking up the steps at home. I was also feeling very lethargic. I went to the doctor on the following Monday evening and he told me he wanted me to go to emergency because I was not breathing correctly from my left lung.

The following day they took 1.9 litres from around my left lung - boy did it feel good to be able to breath again!! I had a CT scan which showed I had a growth in the area behind my shoulder blade in the pleura. I would need to come back to hospital to have a biopsy taken.

I was still not concerned - I was sure it would be benign - I have never had a serious illness and considered myself to be healthy!!

And the other funny thing !! I have no known exposure to abestos - what was there to worry about!!

During this past week, I have felt unbelievable calm and acceptance. I feel ready for whatever I have to do and whatever the outcome will be. I have great faith that my Father in Heaven has a plan for me and - it will all work out for my good. I am in good spirits and both John and I feel positve.

I am booked in to start chemotherapy Thursday of next week. This will probably make the experience feel more real!!