Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Too much information!!

Wednesday 28th October 2009
I was looking on the internet yesterday about others experience with this illness. I found it not very comforting, especially the short time from diagnosis to death with some. There was the odd one here and there that survived a number of years. I have decided I probably won't do this again. My own journey filled with hope is what I want to focus on. I went up to Mutual last night and had a geat time with the Young Women in their sports night. There were plenty of laughs and of course a birthday cake from Rhys for Amber - these girls are all so special.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I feel very loved

Since my illness started I have been the object of so many kind thoughts and wishes. At one stage it nearly felt like it must be my birthday all over again! I have received flowers, cards with personal notes, presents, phone calls and many, many visitors bearing love and well wishes. I have been the object of prayer and fasting for my wellbeing. This has filled my heart to overflowing. It is so empowering to know how much you are loved and appreciated.

What now

How will I make the best use of my time - what do I want to do while I am well???

The most important thing I want to do is to spend as much time with my family and loved ones and let them know how much I care for them.

I want to attend the temple more often and do all I can to feel the Holy Ghost and the closeness to the Saviour and our Father in Heaven. I know I will need the strength that only they can give in times ahead.

Then, there are those other mundane things - sort my stuff. Clean the kitchen cupboards - way down on the list!!

My 58 years have been full and enriching. I was raised by great parents and have terrific siblings. I married well and we have enjoyed all the great joys of family life. We have amazing children and grandchildren who are the joy of our lives. So much to be grateful for.

For nearly the last 2 years I have been a workplace trainer in finance. I have loved this. I have enjoyed the rapore I have been able to build with my students - so it was 'hard'yesterday to give most of my student files back to the RTO so that I can spend my energies on more important things.

I think I would like to make a daily gratitude journal - hopefully a photographic one. Maybe on another blog.

I want to be able to focus on the positives and leave a legacy that will endure into the eternities.

One week on

Tuesday 27th November
It is one week today since the doctor came to my hospital room to tell me that the biopsy tests results showed I have mesothelioma. He patted me warmly on the hand and said he was sorry but they would know more the next day when all the results were back and would be able to tell me about my treatment.

In the past week I have learnt to say a word I had never really heard of and have come to understand a "little"about this disease caused by asbestos.

It still feels very unreal. I am feeling well and feel like a bit of a fraud to tell loved ones and friends I have a terminal illness!!

Just over a month ago I started to get breathless when I walked up a hill on my general walking path. Over the next few weeks I noticed my incidents of breathlessness increasing. We took our grandchildren camping and while on the camp I was really labouring to walk and exert myself. By the weekend following the camp I had difficulty walking up the steps at home. I was also feeling very lethargic. I went to the doctor on the following Monday evening and he told me he wanted me to go to emergency because I was not breathing correctly from my left lung.

The following day they took 1.9 litres from around my left lung - boy did it feel good to be able to breath again!! I had a CT scan which showed I had a growth in the area behind my shoulder blade in the pleura. I would need to come back to hospital to have a biopsy taken.

I was still not concerned - I was sure it would be benign - I have never had a serious illness and considered myself to be healthy!!

And the other funny thing !! I have no known exposure to abestos - what was there to worry about!!

During this past week, I have felt unbelievable calm and acceptance. I feel ready for whatever I have to do and whatever the outcome will be. I have great faith that my Father in Heaven has a plan for me and - it will all work out for my good. I am in good spirits and both John and I feel positve.

I am booked in to start chemotherapy Thursday of next week. This will probably make the experience feel more real!!